I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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