thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
