My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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