when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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