After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
