I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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