This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
