it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
