The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
