I don't usually arrange sex via text message
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
