I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
