she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
