woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
