My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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