There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
