Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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