A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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