I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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