I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
