"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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