so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
