I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
