i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
