I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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