I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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