Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
