Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
