How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
