Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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