You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
