Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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