ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
