Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
