i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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