i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
