your parents love me but you hate me
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
