Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
