You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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