I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
