I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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