Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
