didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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