I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
