That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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