how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
