During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
