Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
