ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
