That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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