corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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