You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
