Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
