I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
