Define "chronic" masturbator.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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