I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
