I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
