i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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