let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
