So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
