I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
