I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
