Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
