i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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