Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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